So much has happened since September 7.......we have had lots of family time, soccer, hurricane talk/prayer, and family issues with crazy emotions. I began reading a book I don't want to put down only so I can start it over again. It is called The Shack and everyone in the Christian community is reading it. It has such an elaborate use of imagery, I have to re-read lines to let them soak in and gather the beauty of the words that flow from the page. I want to loan it out, so I haven't been writing in it, but so desperately I long to underline sentence after sentence. One line in particular says "if rainbows talked or flowers growing made a sound, it would be the sound of her laughter". I replaced "her" with my boy's. Now, that is truth! Who doesn't agree that your child's laughter would sound like a rainbow or a flower growing. If you disagree, then Kiss My Grits!
Truthfully, I make this blog a sweet, fun page to share with family and friends so you can enjoy our life as much as we do. Our family dynamics have changed so much since my divorce. We don't always enjoy everything. Lives have been broken and our dreams, shattered. Through these dark times, we are holding on to Jesus, crying out to Jesus, and desperately seeking to fill ourselves with unclean filth to cover the abrasive cleaning we know we need. The Shack describes our ways and His ways, and our ways are so far from His ways. I can't even imagine. I really can't. One thought the book discloses is that of the past, present, and future. Yes, we all know we worry about tomorrow and regret, and hang onto the past, but Jesus is the present. He is the here and now God. I want to be the here and now servant. How do I train my kids this way? Help me model this for them. How can I teach what I don't even know? Friends and family, pull together to seek today's gift. I need my kids to do things different and I don't know how to train them. I want to be teachable, pliable, and humble enough to know I need all that God placed around me to take it one day at a time. I told the kids I haven't been on the phone much. The reason isn't because I don't want to be, but because I don't have as many useless words to say right now. I am tired of hearing myself talk about nothing, worry about tomorrow, or dwell on the past.
One last thing. An old friend called to tell me she received Christ recently. Her enthusiasm is very apparent and we instantly retreated to our childhood sister relationship we once had living next door to one another. We talked and shared the excitement God brings, and we both teared up at what her eternal life looks like now. Then, the dreaded subject of my divorce came up. She was confused on how I could be divorced as a Christian. After giving her the long of the short of things, I found my answer. I don't know. I am a sinner and I quit. I couldn't do it anymore and when I face God on the day of judgement, I will know for sure then, what the implications of this death truly were....until then, I ask God for healing and to grow my testimony in Him so that He would be glorified in spite of me. His grace is sufficient for me. His strength is made perfect when I am weak. All that I cling to I lay at His feet. His grace is sufficient for me........
2 comments:
Bless your heart, Dede. All of us fall short of being who we should be. All of us! But don't berate yourself too much. You weren't the one who quit.
I agree with Joshua on that one!
You have such enthusiasim (sp?) for the word and the Lord! What a fun and godly example you are to your kids. The Lord knows what you need and He will bless you for being faithful and desiring to know all that He has for you. Keep up the good work, my dear!! You are a sweet, beautiful, and thoughtful friend and I am better for knowing you. :)
Love ya!
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