Here is my most recent testimony of God's goodness!
Searching for words to describe the past year, I find myself speechless. For all who know me, you know this is next to impossible! Rarely do I find a moment to just be quiet. It seems these last few weeks, I have done just that. I have wanted to sit and write out a “testimony” for the Lord but I don’t want to bore others, yet, I can’t discount what He has done in my life and I feel responsible to let the world know of His goodness to us all!
On December 4, Shane roped me into volunteering for the Children’s Parade downtown as a clown. The week before, we attended “clown school” at Children’s Medical Center. Walking in the front doors, I instantly felt a since of gratitude and heartache. I saw the beautiful trains and scenery surrounding me and realized how the hospital masks the harsh reality of illness with aesthetically pleasing scenery. I thought of my own children and how blessed I am that they are healthy, happy, and here with me to live freely!
I woke up the morning of the parade to one of the most horrific dreams I have ever had. I felt like the Lord was asking me to be faithful to Him even if He stripped me of everything that mattered to me in this world. I felt He wanted me to see what is important to Him in my every day life. A verse from a song came to my mind over and over: break my heart for what breaks yours. The things in this life do not matter. My dad’s friend wrote a poem for him shortly before he died called, “What have I done with this day of Life”. Each day we wake up is a gift from God and we hear that all the time. I just felt like God wanted me to do something different with “this day of life”.
I was very disturbed by the dream and even cried a few times throughout the day when I thought of the pain it caused my heart. I can’t say I did anything different with that day of life. I really can’t. I talked to a couple of friends about it.
Monday night, we were in stop and go traffic and I ran into a woman. I felt terrible about it as I had just been rear ended in October. I assured her I had insurance and thanked God we were all okay. We exchanged information and drove off. Cars weren’t towed, ambulances were unnecessary, and everyone was safe. Of course, the dream I had was haunting me a tad. I really believed God’s goodness and mercy were following me. I truly believed He had protected us all.
On December 8, when we found out we had been burglarized, we were at piano lessons. My neighbors discovered the gate open and called us. We prayed for the robbers, we thanked God we were all safe, we prayed for our hearts to be healed from any losses, I thought to myself-it’s just stuff.
We walked in to find our house a mess. They took our trash out of the 50 gallon trash can to use the trash can to take all of our valuables and our dogs had made a terrible mess all over the house. I just kept thinking, ‘it’s just stuff’. I told the kids we would get everything back and not to worry. Seeing the broken window made us uncomfortable, but finding a glove in the living room that belonged to the “bad guys” creeped us out! My neighbors helped us throughout the entire ordeal. They stayed with me until the police came. This was very noble since it took the police such a long time!
The next morning, Dayne expressed sadness for the robbers. His heart was just broken for the people who would steal from others. He showed the wisdom of a real man of God . I was so blessed by his attitude. Later that night, he wept on the couch because of his own loss. He cried and said how bored he was because he would normally be playing this game or that game, etc. His 12 year old self was broken hearted, and it broke my heart too. I wanted more than anything to be able to give them back all they had lost. As Dayne put it, they took 3 years of Santa gifts!
The following Sunday night, we came home to find our oldest dog had passed away. I don’t know exactly what happened. It could have been old age, but she wasn’t very sick so I still wonder if she might have eaten something in the trash that she just couldn’t handle. I will never know, but I do know that I had two devastated children on the back porch. I laid my hands on them and just said to myself, “we are all still here”. I just kept thanking God for His provision and protection. We were all safe from harm. I did feel like I was being stripped of quite a bit and the boys were really enduring some hardships. A few days later, Cole gave us some great wisdom from the lord. He shared Romans 8:28. To be honest, I don’t even remember the exact conversation, but he assured us that God would use all this for His good for those who are in Christ Jesus! I agreed and believed it with him!
On Thursday morning, December 16, 2010, Psalm 23:6 was our “scripture of the day”. We read our daily scripture on the way to school everyday and this one we all had to critically evaluate: surely goodness and lovingkindness shall follow me all the days of my life; And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Goodness and lovingkindness? Not from our worldly perspective! This had been far from what we were experiencing! As a parent, I have to decode this scripture for my kids. Sometimes we read things that I just have to say-that doesn’t seem true in our life! BUT….this one made me think. What is HIS goodness? What is HIS lovingkindness? Is it things? Is it life-that we will live forever in this world? Is it “nothing bad will ever happen to you”? No! HIS goodness is His assurance that everything we have in HIM and through HIM is good. He is goodness. HE is lovingkindness. HIS spirit is what we truly desire and need. Wow! What a lesson I needed in life! I was able to see it so clearly this particular morning because I longed to believe His word. I was running out of stuff to hold on to! I have to know that when nothing else is pretty in this world, He is. He is precious to me.
That afternoon, I was asked to come by the office. My co-workers had taken up a collection for the kids and I. That sentence seems so small compared to the amount we received. I was absolutely stunned. Overwhelmed. Struck so emotionally sober. Grateful. Touched. Shy, even! Shy! I picked up the boys from the sitter and I handed Dayne the envelope. I asked him to count it for us so we could all know how much my work collected. I wanted them to see how loved I felt-how blessed and overwhelmed we were! BUT MOSTLY, THAT GOODNESS AND LOVINGKINDNESS SHALL FOLLOW ME ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE! Really! Now THIS is definitely His goodness to us! The amount of employees involved in this collection do not equal the amount given. They numbers don’t match up. There are so few workers for that much money. Thank you God. Thank you God.
The story doesn’t end. We went shopping that night, of course. We replaced the number 1 items the kids wanted back! We made a list of everything they needed to purchase and we set out to have the best shopping spree ever! Over the next few days, we picked up this and we picked up that, and I said, “yes” more times than I will probably say for the rest of my life.
A few days later, I received a call from a friend at work. She had something she needed to bring by. Her daughter’s work at UT Tyler had taken up a collection as well. They brought over the most personalized and precious items for my two boys and even a personal gift for me including giftcards and checks.
I don’t even know where to stop or finish. I just get overwhelmed when I think of these complete strangers that gave to us.
My kids and I are still processing the situation. I can tell you that my kid’s final testimonies have been this: God uses all things for our good for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:28. Their stuff is bigger and better than what they had before and they are shouting it from the rooftops! Now, I am not sure how this will all glorify the Lord, but I can tell you I have two very grateful children who are floating on God’s cloud today!
I want to remain a pure and sacrificial spirit for my King and I want to leave you with one last thing. Today’s sermon finalized my completely sold out heart for God. I received another confirmation from God today that He loves me. Our sermon at church talked about how the Holy Spirit will prepare you for upcoming situations and I knew from the first incident after my dream that He had done just that. I knew God had prepared my heart for what was to come. I also know why He did it. He did it because He loves me. You see, I know that He died on a cross 2000 years ago for my sins. I know that He was born of a virgin, lived a blameless life, and was crucified. I know He is historically the only man who has ever come back to life after three days. But for some reason, I admit it. I need more than that. I need a God who loves me so much, that I can see Him still loving me today. In my real life. This is what he has done for me in 2010. He shows me He loves me for me. Just as I am-a sinner, undeserving of all of His goodness, and still in desperate need of a savior every day of my life.
If you are reading this and you want that same God, ask Jesus into your heart right now. I am not even going to make you read special words or repeat anything. If you have been searching, then you already know what to say. Confess your need, welcome Him in, and live the life He has waiting for you.
Thank you to everyone who has blessed my life in so many ways. I confess, this testimony is one that I feel has been preceeded by many others, but God has finally prompted me to write it and share it. I love you and look forward to serving a mighty God that “restores all the locusts have eaten”! Praise Him!!!
In Him,
D
